21 Reincarnations of Admiral Zhao
by VanG Ziggy ZA
Summary: Zhao is dead, we all know that, but what happens to a villain once he dies? How does he make up for his crimes? Read adn find out!


21 Reincarnations of Admiral Zhao

**_Ziggy's Corner:_** **_Okay this is the seventh Avatar story I've done now. In fact I have so many stories, that this is my second file of stories. My old stories will still be in the first file, but any of my new files will be in this second file. Okay so this is a one shot, a comedy about what became of the evil admiral after his "death" in the end of the first season. I owe inspiration of this story to Captein Amelia's Sly Cooper fiction, 50 Ways to Torture Neyla. So in a sense this story is dedicated to her. I hope you enjoy all this silliness, if I get twelve requests for a sequel to this I'll do it, otherwise enjoy this story._**

REINCARNATION #1 – A Dung Beetle

As Zhao opened up his eyes he breathed in the air and almost gagged at the stench. "What is going on here?" he whined. The last thing he remembered was the water spirit grabbing off of the bridge and dragging him into its icy embrace. Zuko had called him to take his hand, and if he had, he might have survived the spirit, but his pride would not let him show desperation in front of the boy he considered his rival.

_You made the mistake of trying to kill a spirit_, a deep, knowing, omnipotent voice boomed from every where. _As punishment, you must be reincarnated, until you make amends for your crimes._

"Wait, what crimes, I was only doing what was necessary for my destiny to be accomplished. If it was criminal for me to do what I did, then why was I allowed to find those scrolls?" He looked all around for the source of the voice and frowned at the large pointed green hills surrounding him. _Wait, those hills look like … _

"Grass!" His eyes grew wide, all of them, millions of them. He skittered along with his little legs, and found himself heading for a large pile of dark mud, or at least he thought it was mud, but the smell was unusual. For some reason he had the feeling of hunger and loneliness. "Is that waste!"

_You got it_, the voice chuckled with massive doses of humor in its voice. _You acted like such a despicable insect, that it's how you came back to life as._

"But how long have I been gone?" Zhao gasped, confusedly drawn to the poop. His eyes shone as he marched up to it, and slowly began to bury himself in it.

_Two years_, the voice cackled.

Zhao would have complained about that, but he was pushed back through the shit as quickly as he had entered. A second dung beetle glared at him and wiggled his antennae. "This is my home, buddy. Get your own."

"Why you miserable freak," Zhao growled below his throat. He rushed forward, grabbed the other beetle and tossed him from the poop.

_You shouldn't have done that_, the voice warned.

"What, exactly what can you do to me now?" the former admiral growled. "Nothing, that's what, it's not like the sky is going to fall on me." Right after he said that, a large foot crashed down on the piece of shit, crushing the evil bug, and ending his new life.

"Oh darn it," a fourteen year old Aang groaned. "I stepped in poop."

REINCARNATION #2 – A Butterfly

Zhao blinked after coming from his cocoon and looked around, unfolding his beautiful wings of purple and gold. "I'm a butterfly now?" He began to fly into the air, right before being eaten by a flying eagle.

REINCARNATION #3 – A Fire Cracker

As he stretched Zhao opened his eyes yet again, and realized that he was now in the past. "Wait, this makes no sense, reincarnation takes one from the present to the future, not in the past."

_I got bored with the whole straight forward reincarnation gig_, the voice said. _I decided to mix things up a bit._

"You got bored," Zhao screamed, his temperature rising. "You can't get bored! You're a freakin' god!"

_Oh I never said I was a god_, the voice taunted. _I'm just in charge of karma in your universe. By the way, I'd stop getting so angry if I were you, hot fire crackers like yourself don't last long._

A Fire Cracker! "What is that, some kind of pet name for me now?" Zhao growled. "What stupid idiot, moronic freaking piss head gave you this job anyway!"

_My MOTHER_, the voice growled. _Look to your left_, it instructed.

As Zhao turned to look, he saw a vast ocean of fire crackers surrounded all around him. He panicked at first, but then realized his skin was light red and instead of his dark brown hair, he had a single strand of white. "Hey wait a MINUTE!"

There were shouts of anger and desperation. Footsteps rushed toward the box where Zhao and the other fire crackers were resting, and as he looked, he saw the young Aang and his friends lead by a deserter into a corner. A white flash of movement soared overhead, and the admiral who was now a fire cracker saw Appa hang above. The kids and the man bored the Flying Bison, and soared off, but not before the deserter tossed a bomb into the box.

"OH FUCKING CRAPPP, NNNNNOOOOOO!" Zhao roared. A second later he and all of the other fire crackers exploded, sending beautiful flames into the sky, to the adulation of the crowd below.

_See_, the voice taunted. "_You always wanted the people to cheer for you, now you get your wish._

REINCARNATION #4 – A Christmas Tree

"What in the world is going on?" Zhao cried his skin brown and itchy. His hair was long, pointy and green, and as he watched brats surrounded him and wrapped lights of different colors, pieces of popcorn, and gingerbread as they sang foreign songs in brighter tones.

_You're part of the holidays_, the voice chuckled.

"So this is a punishment, you great big, stinking lard of mucus puss," he growled, trying to shift his weight as one of the children hugged him. "You're losing your touch."

_Oh am I?;_ the voice chuckled again. _Let's see how much they like you after the holidays._

Fifteen days later the children looked at the tree and scowled. "Ew, its molding and stinky now," the little girl groaned, screwing up her nose.

Her father looked at her, patted her head, and nodded. "Don't worry baby, I'll handle this," he said. He took the tree, shoved it in a wood chopping unit and turned it on.

The admiral screamed in pain and grimaced as his world turned black. His last thoughts were, _how can I make up for my crimes if I keep getting killed before I can make up for them?_

REINCARNATION #5 – Richard Simmon's wardrobe

Zhao yawned and stared at the mirror as he looked at his reflection. His skin was blue, with red trimming. His heart skipped a beat, _I'm a tee shirt?_

_Just wait_, the voice laughed.

A few hours later a short sweaty man with tight brown curls bounced into the room, and began doing a preppy dance.

"WHAT THE HELL!" Zhao roared, his eyes bulging from the sockets. "Who the freak is that?"

"Did daddy's little favorite clothing miss him?" the man asked in a high pitched voice. He lifted the shirt from the chair it was laying on, and began dressing.

"Oh, SHIT!" Zhao cried. "What the hell is he DOING!" He shuddered as the man dressed and leapt out of the room, bounding onto a stage were geriatric fat bellied men were watching him.

"Okay," the overly perky male said, jumping up and down. "Let's get the moves on, and up and down, and up and down," he said with an excited laugh.

"HOLY CRAP!" Zhao cried. "How could this get any worse?" He was getting sweaty, and not by his own sweat.

"That's right, feel the sweat, make those bodies work," the instructor said, running his hands down his clothes to get rid of the excess sweat.

"I'M BEING FONDLED BY A FREAK!" Zhao shouted.

After the work out, Zhao had been placed into dry cleaning, and was stolen by a crazed Simmons fan, and sold on the Internet. He hung on the wall of the person who bought him, until a fire burned the house, and Zhao to the ground.

REINCARNATION #6 – Pee-Wee Herman.

Zhao knew that children loved him, his wit, and his humor. He was wealthy, powerful, and charming. True late night talk show hosts made fun of him, but he did not care. Finally he was happy, he was finally successful, even though he truly hated children.

"Nothing could possibly go wrong with this reincarnation," Zhao chuckled to himself as he walked into the theater.

_So you would think._

He had no idea what kind of movie it was, he was used to movies only recently after taking this body. The sights and sounds he witnessed drove his blood pressure to the limit, and in the dark he reached to comfort his poor defenseless heart. His world never had anything like this horrid junk. Unfortunately his hand reached for some _other _thing that wanted comfort.

"Hey, what are you doing?" a man asked, looking down his hand. "HOLY CRAP!"

Before Zhao knew it, his name was slandered in all of the papers, no one wanted him at their parties, and he died, penniless, broke and alone. "Wait, this doesn't seem how this dweeby person died."

_He hasn't died yet, but I thought that this was fun to do this to you._

"How can I repent if you don't let me do any good deeds?"

_You were in that body for fifteen years, but did nothing for anyone._

"I made kids laugh and learn."

_You called them brats and tried to one of them down in your limo last year!_

"Ah yeah, good times, good times," Zhao cackled.

_And you wonder why you haven't stopped being reincarnated._

REINCARNATION #7 – An even dweeber version of Pee.

"Wait, I don't understand," Zhao snapped, looking at his twenty one year old body with thick glasses, a retainer, plenty of zits and sitting at his desk drawing a comic book.

"Actually you were drawing up the rules for the new Dungeon's and Dragon's game," an even wimper version of himself said, dressed in clothes that made him look like he was supposed to be part of Zhao's old world.

"No you dweeb, this is an Avatar the Last Airbender role playing game," a creepy fella dressed like Zhao said.

"JUST WHO ARE YOU SUPPOSED TO BE!" the admiral roared.

"Duh, only the coolest character in the whole series," the nerd said.

"I LOOK NOTHING LIKE THAT!" Zhao screeched.

"That's because you're King Boomie," the other man said sarcastically.

"WHAT!" He looked at himself and blinked, dressed in a poor example of the Earth Kingdom's crazies ruler. "OHH NOOOO!"

Zhao threw back his head and let out a piercing scream, "NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" He then dropped dead from embarrassment.

REINCARNATION #8 -- Steve Urkel

Zhao tripped over a very expensive case and sent it smashing into the floor, scattering into billions of multi colored shards. "Oppps, did I do that?" he asked in a very nasally voice. His back stiffened and he looked into a mirror, staring back was a thing black young man with thick glasses and suspenders. _Not this again, why am I a dork yet again?_

_Why do you think?_

"I think you need medication," Steve Urkel snapped, not realizing that Carl Winslow and his clan inching nearer him.

"I think you need more than medication by the time we're through with you," Carl snapped. The clan beats the snot out of him before tossing him out into the cold, where Zhao slipped on a patch of ice, fell and broke his neck.

REINCARNATION #9 -- A child on Barney the Dinosaur show.

He was short now, very small. By his estimation Zhao found himself to be about seven years old. He was singing and dancing, and waving his arms around in the air, dressed like some kind of jacked up loser with a large tan hat, longer pants, and waving around a pretend lasso.

"What the hell?" he muttered as a freak in a big purple lizard suit came walking by.

"Kids today have no self discipline," the freak snapped.

"I'll show you discipline you forty something loser," Zhao roared. At first he tried shooting out flames from his hands, but when that did not happen, he grabbed a broom and began slapping Barney around like a rag doll on a string.

"Security, security…!" the costumed goof cried out. He managed to grab Zhao by his arm and twirled him around, and paddles his ass, until its nice and red.

Zhao began to cry, for the first time since he really was seven years old, but his fiery determination would not let him give up. When he was a private in the Fire Navy he had eaten freaks like this for breakfast.

"Eat this you jerk," he shouted, jamming the broom up the dino's booty. He spun around and did a triple spin back kick to his head, bringing the nerd in the suit to his knees. "I don't know who you are supposed to be, but let that be a lesson to you!"

By this time children all over the studio were either laughing, or crying, or joining in the chaos. One twelve year old's face was so red he could have been the morning star.

"Barney's a fake," the twelve year old cried, "he's not a real dinosaur!" a few of the other children heard his comments and held him down, giving him a pink belly for being so lame.

"Children, children, stop this madness," the director cried, trying to grab Zhao by his arm and lift him over his shoulders. The children continued to riot, and many of the adults rushed from the building.

Fake buildings were torn down, a green lizard with a stupid pink or purple bow on her head rushed through, screaming about why she had ever given up her life as something called a waitress for this, as she rushed by, Zhao saw her show the director the middle figure, but he couldn't understand what it meant.

_Wow, you're really popular here. Tell me something were you this much of a handful when you were this age the first time?_

"If you're so all knowing wouldn't you know that already?" Zhao roared.

"Kid, I never said I was all knowing," the director growled, "but you're going to find out that I know people who might be all powerful."

Zhao was sent back to his "parents" where he received the harshest of punishments, restriction for over a year, and then was sent to the funny farm for the next thirty years, where he died in a solitary cell for claiming to be Admiral Zhao from the Avatar cartoon.

REINCARNATION #10 – Doggy Poo

It was dark, really dark and really long. But there was a light at the end of the tunnel that he could see. _Am I being born?_ It was like having an epiphany. The light was calling him forward and muscles were straining and pulling him forward toward it.

The voice chuckled. _Not exactly._

Finally Zhao came out, dropping to the ground with a plop, covered in filth and dirt, as some strange mutt sniff at him and then walked away.

"What's going on now?" Zhao asked as the flies began to gather all over him. The grass around him was tall, and there were some pebbles, but there was nothing he could use to see what he was, though he had a very stinky feeling he knew what. "I'M A PILE OF SHIT!"

The voice roared with laughter. _Just remember, you were the one who said it!_

Soon a small bug crawled into him, and buried itself into his thick slimy skin. Its legs itched a little, and tickled some what, but he tried to ignore it. Until a second bug crawled up to him a few days later, one that looked very familiar … almost too familiar.

"Oh no," Zhao groaned as the bugs struggled for dominance over him. He knew what was coming next as the new bug one his right to enter Zhao's body.

"What's going to happen, is the sky going to fall?" a familiar voice asked from inside of him.

A large foot came crashing down on Zhao, crushing his current reincarnation as well as a past version.

REINCARNATION #11 -- IROH'S REFLECTION IN THE MIRROR

Zhao blinked for a moment as he looked around a bedroom that was obviously not his. It looked like it belonged in his world. The decorations, the bed, the bookshelf. But he could not place the area. What was more he appeared to be laying down and could not pull himself off of the floor. _What is going on now? I can't even move. What the hell did I reincarnate into this time?_

There was a shuffling in the room, and then someone yawned. A short stubby arm rose into the air, from the bed, and Zhao found that as it did, his own arm mimicked its movement of its own accord. "What is going on?"

Finally two short meaty legs dropped to the floor, toes wiggling on the wooden surface and Zhao noticed that he was again copying the actions of the other person yet again. But for the spirit's sake, why?

Then his eyes grew wide as a very naked, very heavy set Iroh pulled himself from the bed and stretched, Zhao horrified that he too was stretching as the elderly general and ancient fire prince was trotting closer and closer to Zhao … to the _mirror_!

"Hello there handsome," Iroh said with a pleasant smile, stretching yet again.

"Oh My God, SOMEBODY HELP ME!"

_You brought this on yourself Zhao._

The horror continued as Iroh began to jump up and down his fat bouncing up and down … and that was ALL that was bouncing!

Zhao could fell his muscles tighten as he copied the jumping jacks, his stomach turning knots as he turned his eyes toward his lower regions but not so much at his attachment, but more so at Iroh's "attachments" that leapt up and down and swung from side to side like some perverted jazz dancer, like a Palm tree blowing in a tropical storm, complete with round hairy coconuts bouncing too and fro underneath its branches.

"Oh God, make this end!" he cried.

A door opened, and Prince Zuko walked in, his eyes growing wide with revulsion as he caught sight of his uncle.

"Please put some clothes on," he pleaded.

_At last, something he and I agree on! _Zhao thought.

"Don't forget that Katara and I are going to announce the names of the triplets this afternoon to the crowd," Zuko continued.

Zhao blinked, Zuko was married? To that Water peasant girl? And his clothes, they were the clothes of a Fire Lord! _Just my luck!_

_Oh, it gets much better_, the voice chuckled.

Iroh smiled and pulled on a sweater and began pulling tan loincloth over his lower regions as he turned to look at his nephew, bending down to make sure he had a proper fit. But Zhao was stuck looking straight down, at Iroh's "moon" all flabby and covered with hair!

"I think I'm going to puck," he groaned.

Day in and day out he had to endure this. His eyes bleeding at the sight of Iroh's body, his stomach turning knots, tap dancing on his stomach acid, there was nothing that the former Admiral thought could be worse, until the general got married himself and shared his wedding night with the younger man, not knowingly.

"This can't go on forever," he snapped.

_Nope, it's about to end. _Wu looked at the mirror one day and saw the admiral inside of it. She screamed and tossed her chair against it, and then threw away the pieces in the trash.

REINCARNATION #12 -- Neyla from the Sly Cooper video game franchise

"What in the world is going on?" Zhao asked, looking at himself at the mirror. "I have body hair, more so than normal!" He looked around as he removed his clothes, but someone stopped him.

"Officer Neyla, what are you doing?" a giraffe dressed in light blue clothes and a funky hat blinked. "You're not drunk are you?"

"Excuse me?" Zhao asked his voice Cockneyed tone. He slapped the giraffe and rushed to his officer, looking at his name plaque. An officer, of the law. He smiled, that he could do. Bring justice, bring fear to those who were lesser than he was. Okay so he had body hair, fur really. So he heard round puffy ears, and had a high, annoying accent. Zhao sat at his desk, crossed his legs and began scowling through the papers, when a name crossed his eyes.

"Sly Cooper," he read out loud. He read the raccoon's history and chuckled, a thief. Nothing special. Some tramp named Carmelita had been on his tail for years, but had never caught him. Well she could rest easily; the thief would be in his hands before the week was over.

"You really are slipping," he told the voice. "This is the best thing ever." Maybe he had finally proved worthy of moving up the reincarnation ladder.

His celebration tone went on week after week, even once he found out about some crazy parrot's plan to join with the body of a mechanized owl, and live forever. Eternal life! That was better than being Zhao the Moon killer. And people like Sly Cooper and the Avatar would find themselves set in his sights, ready to be annihilated.

Months passed, and slowly his plan moved to finality. He had this "Clockwerk's" body, he had the power, but as his golden dawn seemed to rise to greet him, that filthy raccoon and his friends beat him, pounded him, and ended his dream.

"I still don't see why that was so bad," Zhao said in the endless darkness. "I nearly had my dream yet again. You had to have known what you were doing there."

_Of course I did. I knew you'd lose, but more importantly you never seemed to get the bigger joke of the whole thing._

"That would be?"

_What do you think? Ever wonder why that giraffe did not allow you to remove your clothing?_ The voice cackled, and a picture of Neyla bathing flashed before Zhao's eyes.

"OH MY GOD, I WAS A WOMAN!" he shrieked.

"No, you just took over my body for a while, like I did yours," a familiar voice said from behind him.

Zhao turned to look, and was clocked by and had the shit beaten out of him by Neyla. "Pervert," she snapped after she was done, walking off into the darkness.

REINCARNATION #13 – An Ant

Zhao crawled out of the hole, following his co-workers, when a boot slammed down on his body, crushing his back and ending his short nine months of life.

"I didn't like the look of that bug's eyes," Neyla snapped. "He looked like a pervert."

REINCARNATION #14 – A guy who jumps off a plane without a parachute.

"O, HHOOOLLLLYYYYY CCCCCCRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAPPPPPPPPP!" Zhao was only twenty, but used his influence to corrupt young people, before taking this plane ride. Little did he know the parents of those children would take revenge.

REINCARNATION #15 – The training dummy for women who are learning to defend

themselves.

"Okay people today I am going to train you to defend yourself against an attacker," the teacher of the class announced. She went into the closet and pulled Zhao out, positioning him before a mob of scared and angry young women.

"Now the principle thing to remember is that no one can come into your comfort zone unless you want them too. Anyone who does, and doesn't move away can be brought to their knees with a swift kick to the balls like this," the instructor began to explain, kicking the doll right into the groin.

Zhao caught his breath as the leg connected, and he felt his eyes cross. "I'm a god damned doll, how the hell am I feeling pain?" Somewhere he could hear the voice laughing hysterically, but it would not respond to his questions.

"Now, its time for you to try it," the instructor said.

"This is for pulling me out of the car and stealing my purse," one of the women snarled, marching up and nailing him right in his princely jewels.

"This is for not accepting the word no," a smaller, teeny bop, pop star wanna be snarled, and hit him there again.

A large woman walked up to him, her eyes narrowing, her fingers grinding into the palms of her hands. "You stupid son of a bitch," she hissed. "You know that don't you?" she kicked Zhao in his nuts, and inched closer, "I said you know that, right!"

"Lady, fine whatever I'm a son of a bitch," Zhao moaned as the woman kicked him two more times. How he wished he could move his hands for protection, or at least fall to the ground and let it comfort him a little.

"So you're just going to leave me and the children for your little trophy wife, huh? Well this is what I think of that!" She pulled something out of her purse and lifted it to his eyes, spraying pepper right into his iris.

"AHHHHHHHHHH! SOMEBODY HELP ME, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD OR THE SPIRITS OR WHATEVER SOMEBODY HELP ME!"Zhao screamed as the acidy substance ate through his pupils.

"Take this you bitch!" she roared, pulling a bat from some place he couldn't see and slamming his neck into an upright position.

"WHY DOESN'T SOMEBODY STOP HER!" He began to wish for unconsciousness to take him, to block out some of the pain … but it never came.

_Dolls don't need to go unconscious for anything._

The instructor considered stopping the chaos, but decided as she looked at the students growing bravado that it couldn't hurt to let her vent. It couldn't hurt to let any of them vent, that way they might actually be willing to further listen to her words. And she could always get a new dummy if this one got ruined, after all it wasn't as if it were alive. She motioned to the women to attack if they felt the need, and before Zhao knew what was happening to him, he was in a swarm of angry women.

"This is for never calling me when you promised me you would," one woman cried, using another bat as a golf club and Zhao's head as the ball.

"You want to get drunk and slap me around," a large black woman snarled, "let's see how you like being the bitch?" She took a pipe and jammed it up Zhao's arse.

"FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, SHE'S GIVVIINNGGG MMMEEEE AN ENEMAAAAAAAAA!" He cried, never able to close his eyes, never able to stop the flow of tears than ran down his cheeks and into his mouth. He knew he had been mean, but did he really deserve this?

_Ask your victims the next time you see them if you deserved it._

One of the women tore open his pants and rushed into a small kitchen area for something. He could hear metal scraping sounds, though most of the women were busy banging on his head for him to make it out. But his eyes grew as the woman returned with a nut cracker in hand.

"WHAT THE HELL IS SHE GOING TO DO WITH THHAAATTTT!" he screamed.

_Use what imagination you have, what do you think? _

It didn't take too much imagination to feel the tightness of the metal against his gonads, or the numbness that rushed through his body right up to his brain as he felt her squeeze it shut on him. He could see them burst from pressure finally, and yellow and icy blue liquid oozed out around the blood that had came first.

It wouldn't last much longer, one of the women took a two by four, and bashed it so hard against Zhao's head that it knocked it clean off of his shoulders, scattering his stuffing brain everywhere to the delight and cheering of the women. To his own delight Zhao's fifteenth reincarnation had come to an end.

REINCARNATION #16 – Katara's tooth pick.

"YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!" Zhao grinded his teeth as the young water bender pressed him against the sides of her teeth, to get out a stubborn piece of lettuce. When he finally snapped in half the girl just shrugged, and tossed him into the fire place where he burned alive, the smell of his own wooden flesh and her saliva all over him filling his nostrils.

"This reincarnation is LAME!" he moaned. "I hope I at least gave her a sliver."

REINCARNATION #17 – A toilet

If he could have blinked he would have. "Now you're just being vulgar," he snapped at the voice when he realized what the mechanics had made him into. "I mean I know I don't deserve this!"

_Don't you?_

He sat there, day in and day out, for a month, when someone finally bought him, and he was attached to the Imperial pluming at the Fire Lord's Palace. "But which Fire Lord am I to serve?"

_Not a Fire Lord, exactly,_ the voice chuckled.

The door opened, one night later, and to his horror Zhao gazed up as Iroh strode in, with a sheet of newsprint under his left arm. He turned to the door and smiled, "It may take me a while Wu, you know how I get when I eat steamed prunes."

"YOU ARE FUCKING KIDDING ME!" Zhao screamed, or at least he tried too, but Iroh grabbed hold of his jaws and pried them open, pulling his pants down as he sat on Zhao's mouth and unfolding the paper. _No, no, no, no, no, No, NOOOOOOOOO!_

Iroh sat the better half of an hour, grunting and shifting his weight, commentating on how comfy Zhao's mouth was, passing gas straight into the former admiral's nostrils, occasionally tossing down a poo cookie here and there into the former villain's throat. Zhao wished desperately to clamp down on the old man's hinnie, or at least faint, but there was nothing to do.

He spent his whole life like that, up until a one hundred and fifteen year old Iroh looked down at a mouth full of crap and sighed as he pulled on Zhao's ear yet again. He grabbed the plunger, one of Sokka's inventions, and tried to jam the doo-dee down Zhao's throat, as he had done numerous times, but in the end, sighed and shut Zhao's mouth for the last time.

"It's a sad thing for an old man to lose such a faithful friend such as yourself, but I guess your time is come," he said mournfully. Then he cheered up. "Oh well, at least I know you're going to go to a happy place," and stepped aside as Aang, in his middle thirties walked up and looked at Iroh.

"You sure about this? I mean I might really ruin that wall over there," the man said thoughtfully.

"Go right ahead, Wu and I were talking about adding on to our bathroom anyway," Iroh said cheerfully.

The Avatar shrugged, turned to Zhao, and formed the largest ball of wind he had ever seen. Aang wasn't capable of doing this when he was twelve, years and years ago. He must have become an immensely powerful being during those years after my demise, the villain thought.

With a single purpose in mind, Aang launched the ball of air at Zhao and knocked him so far high into orbit, that part of his still floats up there to this very day. Of course his spirit went onto to a new body, but that toilet is sometimes called the big crapper when people see it, even now one thousand and fifty years from now.

REINCARNATION #18 – Zuko's Punching Bag

"Hold on a moment, one thousand and fifty years!" Zhao snarled.

_I had to mix it up a little bit, how did you manage to hear anyway?_

Zhao sighed and tried to stiffen his muscles, but found that he couldn't. "What now?" he asked wearily. He would be tired for long, as Zuko's fist came straight at him at lightning speed.

The prince, or Fire Lord apparently seeing as how that was how he was dressed, came at him again and again, breaking his nose, busting his jaw, giving him a massive black eye.

"This is NOT funny!" how is this karma? How can I learn if all that happens to me is getting my ass kicked all the time?" Zhao stammered. "What kind of spirit are you anyway!" All he could hear was the deranged laughter of the voice as Zuko pounded him into oblivion.

REINCARNATION #19 – The Taco Bell Chihuahua

Zhao was only four years old, and possibly a female again. He was fidgety, constantly tinkling all over his body, and dressed in stupid clothes for some big fat rich ass media tycoons to sell their stupid fast food. Still nothing really bad was happening to him, until they decided to fire him.

"You understand that you're not that popular anymore?" one of them asked, concerned about the pooch's well being.

"_Yo quiero_ Taco Bell?" Zhao asked.

"No, we don't want Taco Bell, we ARE Taco Bell, but we really need to find a new mascot, will you by fine?" the man asked, inching further.

"_Yo quiero _Taco Bell?" he asked again.

"No, no, bad dog, we don't want Taco Bell, and Taco Bell does not want YOU! Do you understand?"

"_You quiero _Taco Bell," Zhao snapped. _Why the hell can I only say those four damned words? I don't want tacos, they give me gas. _

The executive sighed agitatedly and opened the door. "Look, we already found your replacement, so just deal with it okay?"

Two men brought in a colorful paraket from French Guinea, who looked at the dog and blinked. Somehow Zhao recongnized her as Zula, and realized she too had been defeated and ended up dead. Little did he knew her brothe accidentaly burned her face as they both raced for the Avatar, and in a vendetta she swore revenge on him, which ended badly for her.

"And what do you want, little lady?" the executive asked.

Zula bounced around excitedly, although Zhao suspected she had no real control of her movements any more than he had with his in this body, and shouted out, "_Je manque _Taco Bell," in a rich blend of Latina/ French accent.

"See, now that's hot! People will flock to our stores again with her as our mascot! And what an original slogan!"

_Yeah you fat ass, real origional. It's exactly what I'm saying, only in French!_ Zhao looked at him and pissed on his paperwork.

The executive glared at him and ordered him from his office, "He's fired, get him out of here."

They took him outside, where he expected to be sent to the pound, but unfortunately for him, when someone from the fast food world is fired, particually failed mascot representatives, they were really fired! The goons loaded him into a massive cannon, pointed toward the ocean and lit the fuse!

Zhao yipped and screached as he was sent flying into the air, and straight down into shark infested waters, the last words on his lips in this life being, "_Yo quiero un chaqueta vida!_" (I want a life jacket, in Spanish). Two years later, Zula would follow him into the brink.

REINCARNATION #20 – A Fire Navy ship

For thirty years Zhao was a proud vessel in the Fire Lord's fleet, seeing victory and victory accomplished over the Earth Kingdom, and a few Water Nation rebels. He beamed with pride, if he couldn't fight the enemy himself, at least he was carrying the men aboard that would do so. And who knows, perhaps he would change history, and the Fire Nation would destroy the Avatar this time around and crush the world.

Then he found himself, literally in his own hands, as his human form bought him from a rival admiral, and lead him up a river, to catch the Avatar. There was something familiar about this whole thing, but he could not put his finger on it. It wasn't until his human form was busy fighting the Avatar that he figured it out.

"AH SHIT!" he cried. He wanted to warn his human self to control his rage as the boy mocked him, leaping from boat to boat, but with no lips, no vocal cords, there was no chance. "Don't land on me, don't land on me," he muttered as they inched closer.

Aang landed on the last ship of Zhao's fleet, and once his nemesis' blow had been struck, mocked him yet again, claiming victory in the fight.

"Are you insane, you haven't thrown a single punch," Zhao growled.

"No, but you have," the boy taunted.

Zhao bit his lips as the flames licked his wooden skin, and glared at his human form. "You stupid idiot," he grumbled as the flames and the river took him to the bottom of the water.

REINCARNATION #21 – a contestant on a rancy radio show, who lost the game.

Zhao took of his shirt, turning away from the middle aged woman who was oogling him from afar, making fun of his hairy body and boney legs. _NOW WHAT HAS HAPPENED?_

He was eighteen, a college student, and in need of money. When he heard he could win fifty thousand dollars by answering a few simple questions about a certain cartoon show, he was positive he would get everything right. So he signed up for the Sara Whiter's Show, and was accepted, and the questions began. But to his shagrin, it wasn't the orignal Avatar show, it was its sequel's sequel that was being talked about, and he had no answers for these questions that came racing at him at lightning speed.

"I'm going to do you a favor sweetie," the black hair, tattooed shock host said, glaring at him. "Normally I'd have you completely naked or something, but I think in this case, the best thing to do is bring in the barber." Her crew chuckled sadistically as he looked and shrugged to accept the punishment. He undressed, thinking it weird he had to lose all but his underwear to get a hair cut, and let them strap him into the barber's slab.

A mechanical device was brought in, with dozens of razors, and when he asked what they were for, she answered, much to his shock and horror. "You much be kidding me!" he yelped.

"No girl likes a hairy man," she cooed. She nodded and her crew turned on the robot, which went to work, with razors and hot wax to give him a nice smooth body. Too bad it wasn't soothing.

But the embarresment continued, as they brought in a robottic paddle, and placed it against his hinnie. "I DIDN'T AGREE TO THIS!"

"Read the fine print," she purred as she pressed the button again and again to spank Zhao's tushie until it was just as raw as his backside and legs.

"THIS IS CRUEL AND UNUSUAL PUNISHMENT," he screamed at the voice.

"Tell me about it," Sara Whiter snarled, shuddering as if someone else was taking control of her. "At least I wasn't forced to see Uncle Iroh's naked body." The crew looked at the two of them, but shrugged as if they missed an inside joke.

_Great, wonderful I'm getting paddled and shaved by my Lord's little girl! Could this get any worse? _"You hear me spirit! This better be the end of this!"

And after he got home, and his father throttled him down the stairs, breaking his neck for abandoning his family's virtues, it was. For the time being.

**_Okay so that's it! Some of these were pretty funny, at least I think so. I realize some of them were lame too, but they were the only things I could think of to do to him. So what do the rest of you think? If I can get twelve reviewers to ask for a sequel I'll write one, entitled: The Further Reincarnations of Admiral Zhao. If you can think of something to happen to him, let me know, if I think its good, I'll put it in. But remember, I need twelve votes for me to make a sequel, so if you want one, get the word out about this story. Okay that's it guys and gals. Take care!_**


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